Who is the first person that you would run to if you decided to start a business?  Your spouse?  Family? Friends?  If you’re like most people you will have one person that just HAS to be the first to hear about your idea, unfortunately, you also unconsciously give that person the power to determine what you do next.

I’ve heard of countless times in my sales jobs, and working with aspiring entrepreneurs that a third party put the kibosh on a purchase, or a business idea soon after the “eureka!” moment hit.  What you need to learn is the right way to DEAL with that first rejection, and create an effective way to channel that into something that you can take a tangible next step from, something other than, “Bury that idea deep into the ground”.  Here are the 5 steps for dealing with rejection from a loved one:

1. Realize it’s personal (or at least it could be)

People have tons of motives for shooting down an idea, they could be as simple as, they can’t see the vision, to something as deep as the fact that a new business may lower the amount of time that you spend together.  For this reason, prepare yourself when you present a business idea to a loved one.  How far you go depends on the person.  Some people will respond to as little as you asking for their full attention and turning off all distractions, and some may need a full meeting with a written plan to take you seriously.

Remember, people that see your flaws daily, and they see you in every phase of life, and if you’ve never started a business, then this will be a new phase for them.  It may take a while for them to feel comfortable with the new idea of you in a business owner role.  Some people rebel from anything new, or strongly dislike changes, so be aware before you share an idea that you’re passionate about.

1. Drain Their Brain (seriously, all the way)

When your loved one gives you negative feedback on your business idea, you need to immediately become best friends with the question, “Why?”  Asking to clarify the criticisms and expand on why they have their opinions will quickly let you know what the problem is, whether it’s the idea, or even their perception of you.

Make sure that you write down every critique that your loved one gives you.  They need to be addressed, maybe not at that specific time, but eventually they all need to be addressed.  For example, even something as harsh as, “You’re not smart enough to do this”, should be an opportunity for you to review the image you project to others.  “Is this something that will affect how others see you in a networking setting?”  “What can you do to change this impression?” All of these questions will get you prepared to be a business owner, even if they end up being frivolous claims.

1. Ask For Solutions (yep, this is cheating)

This is the number one way to deflect criticism, even if it’s criticism of you.  Asking your loved one to give you solutions to every problem they see in your business idea will save you tons of time looking for the answers, and it will immediately turn them from a foe to an ally.  You can immediately begin to brainstorm together on how you would fix certain problems in your plan, and diffuse and negative emotions coming from their critiques, or their impact on you.

Be especially mindful of anything that they cannot think of a solution for, this should be your first question to answer when you actually begin researching your business.

1. Be Coachable (take the punches, you need the practice)

Nobody likes criticism, and coming from a loved one, it tends to feel personal, whether that’s true or not, but even though it may suck to be told that your great idea may be trash, listen.  Not only will you be able to turn the tide of the conversation by openly accepting their opinion, but you’re preparing yourself for the number one way to keep customers for years, listening.

There will be plenty of times in your business career that you have to listen to a complaint, even some that you shouldn’t have to listen to, or you may not be the right person to listen at all; but no matter the situation, listening to the full complaint, and then responding to specific points, acknowledging the needs of the customer/loved one will quickly change the mood, and tone of all future communication.  Don’t be in a hurry to rebut criticisms, you may miss something that’s valid, and something that could save you tons of time and money in building a successful business.

1. Try Again (with someone you don’t know)

Unless your loved one is an expert in startups, or deals with building businesses regularly, there’s a good chance that their advice won’t be relevant on some levels.  I’ve gotten in the habit of asking complete strangers about business ideas before I ask loved ones.  In fact, I’ve started to identify a potential customer, and ask them about the business first.  This gives me not only a fresh opinion from someone who isn’t tied to me emotionally, but it also lets my specific customer tell me how to create a business that they would buy from.  You can’t get better research than that.

Point blank: getting rejected sucks.  But just like in life, how you respond to it is much more important that the fact that it happens to you.  As an instinct, going to a loved one for advice is a natural action; but being prepared for what’s said when you get there, is just good business.

I’d really like to thank the following people for helping me with this question live on Twitter:

@TheTINYJewelBox, @WriteinBK, @AreshaDot, @LaoWSmith, @ShieldsofTrell

And just in case you’re wondering, none of them rejected my question.  They were fantastic sounding boards, and I would suggest following them all if it makes sense to you.

What are some tips you have for dealing with rejection?  Have you ever had a loved one kill a dream you had?  Let me know in the comments below, I love to hear from you all.

Elijah R. Young